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failMy grandmother always said that I had a ‘classic’ taste when it came to fashion, specifically, women’s fashion. Being from Boksburg, I was never really sure what fashion meant, let alone having a classic taste when it comes to it. But, in my older years, and having traveled to Italy and then settling down in Cape Town, I have acquired a better handle on the matter. For one, I realised that Boksburg is not, and probably will never be any kind of fashion capital. Unless Crocs become popular outside of demotivational posters and memes. 

I have learnt that I find what a women wears has a very direct influence on how attracted I am to her. Almost as much as her skin, eyes and hair have. And for me, she doesn’t have to be dolled up to be wearing something that makes her sexy. I have a vast range in taste, but there are definitely do’s and don’t’s when it comes to women’s wearing. I may come from Boksburg, but I am picky. It also means that I have a great idea of what not to wear if you are a female.

In fact, it would probably be easier to go into a list of don’t’s rather than a list of do’s. When I say I am picky, it means that if it doesn’t work, it is a no. Rather than an algorithm of certain outfits that women must adhere to in order for me to regard them as sexy. Let me be clear, I am not saying that my taste is the be all and end all of fashion, I have been misunderstood in articles before, all I am saying is that there are big no-no’s for me when it comes to what girls wear (and there have been discussions with other male friends – they agree), and that is all. Please wear what ever you like, but think twice about the following:

highriseHigh rise pants – I may have a classic taste, but the 80’s are over. It is not a flattering addition to your wardrobe and it makes you look like you have an ass that is longer than Jan Smuts Avenue. There is something sexy about a long torso, and unless you are wearing corporate style pants, a blouse and a jacket, think twice. We want you to be proud of your bodies, not slander them.
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floral dressFloral summer dresses (without a solid colour break) – This is a touchy one, because some girls can pull it off, but only if there is some sort of solid colour contrast. Think of it as an oasis for the eyes. If there is too much going on, us men might just get confused. Many women argue that men get confused easily as it is, well, this is why. If you are going to do it, hand out 3D glasses and make an event of it. Otherwise, we are going to be unprepared and will probably have a fit.
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tutu dressesTutu dresses – Just no. Please. If you are not on stage doing a ballet recital, just don’t do it. There are better ways to get a man to want you out of those clothes quickly.
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leopard printLeopard print anything – As I said, I grew up in Boksburg. I have seen enough of the leopard print thing. Not appropriate. Ever. Not for hand bags, shoes, pants, dresses, sunglasses, hats or anything considered clothes. There are two scenarios that it works. A comical theme for a party or on an actual leopard.
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These are just a few examples, but there are more. There are exceptions to all of the above, except for the leopard print one. So don’t take this personally if you are guilty. For me, however, this is important. Luckily, most of my females friends dress impeccably. Oh and Crocs never work. The end.