Anybody who has ever dated me knows that the greatest threat to my romantic relationships is my friendship with Kevin Aitchison. That time around December when he comes from the little coastal town of Port Alfred to relax and drink as many beers as he can. Now it has nothing to do with Kevin. He is truly an upstanding guy, a true gentleman and pretty strong (eyebrow pushups are a real thing) but rather it has to do with us keeping each others company.
Kevin and I have always had an agreement. We never ever ever say no to each other. Usually when we muster up the courage to actually mutter those words, and one of us still wants to do what ever it is we were going to do, the ‘no’ is really a ‘yes’ with extra emphasis. This creates some pretty hilarious, and dangerous scenarios. That awkward moment when one man is pressed to ask the fateful question, “Should we have another?”, really meaning, “I wasted, dude. Let’s call it a night.” never really happens with us. This results in evenings where more beer is consumed than breaths taken. This is slightly inaccurate. We usually move on to tequila.
Some of you might read this and think that our friendship is unhealthy. Stop reading, you are not welcome here.
We have been on many a mission before. Some have resulted in paint balling the inside of a house, some in us not being able to move anything but our heads, some have ended in broken noses and tables, some in kilogram burgers and cane trains (ironically that is where that evening began) and some have resulted in an on going BB gun battle. I still keep mine under my pillow just in case.
All this harmless fun aside, Kevin is that friend where anything goes. There are no pretenses or airs and graces, just acceptance. Which is actually dangerous, those of you that stopped reading on the third paragraph may continue now. I’m sorry. But it also means that I have some one that I can trust over all others. If I ever accidently kill someone, I have someone to call, and even though he is against murder (as am I to be clear) he will help me get rid of the body. He is also an accomplished karate machine, just in case that body comes back to life. I’m sure that individual would not be very happy.
These posts are for people to understand who my friends are, ironically Kevin is the only one that will understand all of this and laugh until beer comes out his nose (independent of whether he is drinking one), but if I could sum him up in four phrases they would be.
– Best friend a guy could have.
– Mean right hook.
– Loyal and honest, a gentleman and upstanding person 5000
– Give me back the donkey you have been keeping hostage you asshole.
I love you bro. #nohomo. Maybe a little.