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You know Murphy, everyone knows Murphy. No one likes to know Murphy, but everyone does. Murphy is the asshole who screws everything up, especially  when the last thing you need is something to get screwed up. He is the man who is responsible for the aircon breaking on the one day that you need to wear jeans to work…when its a kabijillion degrees out. He is responsible for you forgetting your laptop cable at home, the day when you have to do a presentation at 13h00. He knows full well that you start at 09h00 and that your laptop battery only lasts for three and a half hours. He is also responsible for making sure that, somehow, your battery lasts just long enough that it dies ten minutes into the presentation.

Murphy must have been quite the character. By character I mean dickhead. A clever dickhead at that. He is always one step ahead. Managing to think of that one scenario that you somehow missed. Say, your computer is not working as efficiently as it could, and you decide to go through the mission of re-installing the operating system so that you can have that “fresh to death” feel for the next, very busy, day. And low and behold the entire installation process goes smoothly. Murphy is the man that, when you start smiling because everything went well, a message will pop up saying that you can get all your ethernet and wireless device drivers at so and so website. A courteous message for sure, until you realise you cannot connect to the internet because you have no ethernet or wireless drivers.

I decided to find out who this Murphy guy was with a little internet research (on my other laptop, that runs linux – a play ground for Murphy). Turns out Murphy’s treachery and deceit does not begin with little irritating tricks. Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on Air Force Project MX981, (a project) designed to see how much sudden deceleration a person can stand in a crash. One day everything went wrong and he cursed the apprentice that wired something incorrectly saying that “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.” Which turned into “if anything can go wrong, it will.” This was actually originally called “Sod’s law”, Murphy – a dick and a thief.

Anyways, after running into some of Murphy’s work while overseas, I began to develop a plan to defeat him. A plan that was so clever in its intricacy, that Murphy HIMSELF could not defeat it. Rather than jinx things by stating them in fact, you say things out of context, in passing or with a scapegoat. So for example, we all know that if you were to say something like “This is going to be a sunny day!”, Murphy is going to get involved and you will have the ‘end of days’ like weather by lunch. So I suggest saying something like this, “Would you believe it, today is going to be a sunny day!” or “It looks as if it is going to be sunny today!”

I took it a step further, and started saying things to actually use Murphy. I would just say the opposite of any desirable situation and Murphy would do the rest. “Today is going to be rainy as hell!” or “There is no chance of sun today!” It was a brave and clever plan. And I was almost sure I had defeated ol’ Murphy.

But, Murphy’s law, it failed. Horrendously. I am almost positively sure  that Murphy stole my passport, resulting in me being deported and sent home from Europe.
What a dick.

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