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I get quite upset when I have to wait for things. That is not to say that I am an impatient person, I just slightly picky with where I direct my bottomless well of patience. I can wait in traffic and in queues almost endlessly. This may be contributed to my imagination. Rather than getting annoyed with how long something is taking, I drift off into an intricate world of wonder. It really helps. A bank queue, for example, is pretty boring at the best of times, but when there is a gang of unicorns, dressed up like the dudes from “Men Without Hats” things begin to get really exciting.

The scenarios are quite detailed. It won’t just be unicorns standing on their hind legs, wearing leather jackets, oh no. It will be Bill (the eccentric harmonica player), Fred (who despite being a coffee drinker, has a great collection of Prince Albert tea sets) and Jonsey (who is actually a zebera incognito) walking into the bank shouting demands that really don’t make any sense. “Sing me the money!”, “Chase the bank dragons wife!” and such. Suddenly,right before Jonsey leaves the group after Fred and Bill find out his uni-horn is plastic, the wait is over.

I also have an amazing ability to do repetitive things to no end. I can sit in one place and throw a cigarette up and try catch it in my mouth for eons. Seriously, people have gotten upset with me. One time, while sitting alone at a small cafe in Spain, while practicing this art form, a random fella from across the square (who had obviously some serious patience issues himself) walked right up to me, grabbed the cigarette, broke it in half while staring me directly in the eye and put a new one in my mouth…without saying a word. Honestly, and possibly due to have watched Hostel a couple years earlier, didn’t move a muscle for fear of being sold as a sex slave or tortured.

There are, however, things that I cannot muster any patience for. One of these is the infamous Blackberry ‘waiting clock’. I had to breathe deeply there. There are few things that can make me as angry as this damned time keeping hell clock can. What the hell do Blackberry’s do in that time. I mean, it is not like the phone stalls for a couple of seconds once every two hours, the bloody thing is rendered useless for years at a time. Seriously, one could build a small city AND artificially create three “Planet of the Ape” style unicorns to take it over in the time it takes for the Blackberry to regain functionality. It takes everything in me to not completely obliterate it in a slow and rather sadistic ceremony.

I guess therein lies difference. Expectation. Traffic, queues and intricate cigarette tricks, are known to take time. In fact, they are famous for taking up a large chunk of it. I accept and have made peace, imaginative peace, with that. Opening an email or a picture doesn’t usually take up months of your life.

Unless you own a Blackberry.

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